Oh, Mother!

I just met you and this is crazy...

...but here's a stanley knife and I'm gonna do you some serious fucking harm you fucking melt first I'm gonna punch you so hard in the mouth that half your teeth explode an act that will also render you unconscious while unconscious I'll break both your fucking arms and string you up so that your toes just reach the ground enough so that you can stop yourself from strangulation then I'll take to you with a baseball bat for a couple of hours and squirt some petrol over you and throw lit matches at you I won't let you burn to death though because that would end your punishment prematurely instead I'll leave you there with no food and no water and i'll buy 1,440 alarm clocks and set them all to go off one minute after another and that's all you'll know until you're one dead fucking cunt

The Huge Penis of Alfie Noakes!